Just Em is Just Happy.

Yes, the rumours are true. In my chaotic and sometimes stressful world, I've found a balance. An emotional balance. I'm really truly happy.

I reflect on the past 18 months or so in absolute wonderment, to be honest. I think I'm finally starting to become the person I've always envisaged myself being. Working, studying, having an acceptable amount of social time...

While I'm still stressy now and then - I seem to always have tension build up in my back and neck (!), in my mind I am stable - zen - almost.

All it took was a little bit of believin' ;)

Peace and LOVE

An open diary

I have to admit - I've never really ever been the best at blogging. I'm not really that complex - I try to be as open and honest as possible, all the time. I don't intentionally keep secrets, and I don't blog under an alias for fear of my deepest darkest secrets being released to the world - and frankly, I don't really have any secrets.

So really, I'm an open diary. Not a flashing billboard or picture of narcissism, I hope - but if you want to take the time and have the paitence to read me, you can, if you like. I'm comfortable with genuinity.

I was talking to a friend of mine over the weekend who is hopelessly in love with a girl who won't give him an inch of her mind. They date, but thier conversation apparently involves a vague exchange of sarcasm and stories about other people. They don't talk about themselves. They don't talk about each other. He says he's in love with her - that her mystery is driving him insane, he's crazy for her.

I used to think honesty was a bit of a negative attribute of mine, to be honest. I used to think that guys loved the mysterious girl -the one that's hard to read - whimsical and vague with her words. Which, we see is the case with my friend. Is she leaving things to the imagination, or is she just boring with nothing better to do than comminicate with vague banter or phsyicality? What I've found with my maturity and a bit of observation of those around me is that mystery doesn't allow for attraction, or even - love - at all - it allows for distrust, complexity, confusion, and misread intent. Yucky, dirty, messy situations are bred out of mystery.

In fact, I think that being a bit of an open book has worked for me. I'm a happy girl. I'm comfortable with being open and genuine with my loved ones.

For as much as movies and fiction has pressed to us that mystery is the most lady-like quality - I believe it is possible to fall in love with someone just by reading their diary, and by that I mean, by opening yourself up - being honest, caring and genuine.

Perhaps mystery allows my friend to paint the picture of his dreamgirl over the top of the one he's dating. Perhaps he's comfortable, for the while, creating an image of a seemingly great person and a good relationship. I can't imagine that there is any long-term comfort in mystery.

Coming back to the topic of blogging - I can't imagine that blogging is even a healthy outlet for those who aren't genuine with their real-life loved ones. The internet world confuses my thoroughly. My friend's blind infatuation with this girl, also confuses me.

Rave over - Peace and love.

Out-of-body Experience

Sometimes, when I look at photos of myself and remember what I was thinking or looking at, at the time - it feels like a complete and utter out of body experience.

I'm crazy, I swear.

Last weekend.

Was amazing.

End of story.

Truly, Madly.

How am I so lucky that I get to spend my time with a person who makes me feel so excited, nervous, adored, valued, cherished and happy - all at the same time?

I still get that flutter in the bottom of my stomach every time I touch him in the slightest way, right in that place where your hips and your hopes meet up, mingling with the butterflies in your gut. It's not anticipation, it's not a 'spark', per say - it's nothing more than pure and honest bliss.

I don't think I could have even tried to imagine how it would feel to be with a person so wonderful. I'm counting my blessings.

Peace and Love.

Hiatus, over.

I’m glad I ended that last blog on a hopeful note. Maybe it gave me a bit of luck, because the past few months have been amazing. I’m going to keep it fairly vague for blog tracking and stalker issues, but let’s just say that I’m in a really good place right now. And honestly, I think even the history of these blogs show that I waited long enough. I attribute it all to Karma Credit.

In the process that I stopped blogging here though, everything became a lot more uncomplicated, and complicated, all at once. The topic of my last blog blew over quite quickly, thankfully.

But in the process of my hiatus, I’ve been to Canada and America – seen the Golden Gate Bridge and the Hollywood sign, the beaches at La Jolla on the Mexican border and skiid the Olympic tracks in Whistler. I thought I was lucky before – nothing could have prepared me for that trip. It was one of the most amazing experiences I’ll have in my lifetime, I’m certain of it.

I think a lot about my general attitude towards life has been altered a little over the last few months. Don’t get me wrong – I’m just as whimsical, just as much a dreamer. But I think I’ve got a bit of the rose-coloured-glasses action going on. I’m not complaining.

I’m just going to throw it out there – the greatest people to be around make everything feel simple. They make you feel like you’re perfect to them. Like there is no possible way you could be any better than you already are. I never ever thought I could feel like I was perfect, in anyone’s eyes. But I’m starting to realise that maybe, I could be.

Peace and Love.